Crowned King
by Moon-Fox13
Summary: I had a dream that Aragorn got drunk and named Merry the King of Gondor and then Merry went mad with power and banished Gandalf. It's sort of crack but it may not be as funny as I think it is. Originally posted on ao3


Merry made his way down one of the many corridors in the palace of the White City. He was searching for his cousin Pippin but instead found the King. Aragorn had been King of Gondor for but a short period of time and was quickly learning that ruling over a whole land was vastly different from his former occupation as a ranger. Stress had overtaken the King and that's how the humble Hobbit came upon King Aragorn of Gondor sitting on the floor of the corridor drunk and sobbing.

Merry looked around awkwardly, wondering if he should leave the esteemed king to cry in solitude. However, he wanted to make sure his friend was alright, so he patted the king's shoulder and asked about his wellbeing.

"I-I had no idea being king would be so st-stessfull and difficult."

"What? No, you're making a good king so far."

"It's just not what I expected it to be like. I don't know what to do; this is nothing like being a ranger."

"Well, yeah, but being a king is basically just being a leader and you were a good leader to the fellowship."

"Thank you Merry, you are very wise. I know what I have to do." Aragorn said solemnly and removed his crown.

"What are you-"

"You're King of Gondor now," he whispered, delicately placing the crown on Merry's curly head; being too large, it slipped over Merry's eyes and rested atop his nose. Aragorn sniffled and curled up in fetal position and turned away from the confused hobbit.

"Are you drunk?" Merry asked exasperatedly, still blinded by the crown.

There was no reply as Aragorn gave a whimper and his body shook before falling asleep.

The Fellowship and several advisers sat around a table in the council room. There was a meeting to discuss trade and all were attended except for one of the hobbits and the king himself.

"Where is he?" Faramir asked.

"I don't know, I haven't seen him since last night." Gimli replied.

Then the doors to the council room opened and in strutted Merry wearing the crown of Gondor on his curly head. It was pushed back so as to not interfere with his sight. His head was held high with his shoulders back and his back straight. He was very good at making himself look important. That is when Gandalf spoke.

"What are you doing Merry? Where is Aragorn?"

"Aragorn relieved himself from his duties as king while he was drunk and named me in his place." The little Hobbit said smugly.

"What? Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, it's not a joke. As King of Gondor my first order of business is-"

"Now hold on just a minute. You are _not_ the king of Gondor." The White Wizard exclaimed, thinking this joke had gone on long enough.

"I am; Aragorn crowned me before taking a break from his duties. As I was saying, my first order of business-"

"No! Just because King Aragorn gave you the crown in a drunken daze does not mean you get to parade around giving orders and pronouncing royal decrees!"

Merry became irritated by the wizard questioning his legitimacy as king. Had the previous king not explicitly said 'You're King of Gondor now' and placed the crown on Merry's head? That was enough for the hobbit to legally be considered king. Meriadoc glared at the ancient being.

"Gandalf, you are banished."

"Wh-what?! You dare banish me?" the wizards voice boomed with outrage.

"Yes."

Gandalf stood and summoned the shadows to darken the room "MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK, I SWARE ON THE SHIRE IF YOU DO NOT CEASE THIS NONSENCE I WILL-"

"Your threats do not sway me wizard! Guards, remove him from my sight!"

Gandalf had a thoroughly disgusted look on his face as the Gondor guards ushered him out of the council room.

The rest of the council sat in awkward shock.

"We have to do something about Merry." Sam was worried about the power that was going to Merry's head and didn't want him to be making decisions about a kingdom he knew little about.

"What do you suggest we do?" asked Frodo.

"Let's tell Bilbo. You know how he feels about kings going mad with power."

It was later the next evening that Aragorn had woken up from his hangover. He felt rather embarrassed knowing that it was probably his wife Arwen who had carried him back to their room after he had passed out from intoxication. He was glad his father-in-law had already left and not been a witness to Aragorn's folly.

The ranger-turned-king began to dress in his royal robes only to discover that his crown was not where he normally left it.

Aragorn searched throughout his chambers and could not find it. He decided to seek the help of his friends in locating the heirloom.

"Oh, Merry has it," was the reply Aragorn got from Gimli.

"Why?"

"He said that you gave it to him while you were drunk and sobbing about how hard being a king is."

"Damn it."

"Merry! There you are, I've been looking for you!" Aragorn said to his hobbit friend while entering the council room. Said hobbit turned to face the ex-ranger with a scrutinizing stare.

"Aragorn, how nice to see you sober again." Aragorn shifted awkwardly.

"Yes, I don't really remember much but I was told that I gave you my crown and asked you to be king in my absence."

"That is correct."

"Well thank you for watching over the kingdom for the past day, I appreciate it but I'm ready to go back to my duties so I'll need the crown back now."

"Hmm… no."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"No. You gave me the crown and said that I was king now."

"And now I'm asking for it back so that I can continue running the kingdom," Aragorn sighed.

"It does not work like that. You can't just ask for it back, you have to make an official request. Besides, I've been running the kingdom just fine in your absence." The hobbit held his head up high.

"You all can't be okay with this can you?" Aragorn asked the others that were in the council room watching the exchange.

"Well, we don't really want to speak out against him," Faramir replied.

"And why not?"

"Because he might banish us!" Said Gimli incredulously.

"Merry doesn't have the power to banish anyone," Aragorn was getting fed up with this.

"Don't I," asked said hobbit.

"Yes, he banished Gandalf," Legolas stated.

"What?! Why did you banish Gandalf?" Aragorn asked with great perplexity.

"He was questioning my authority," was the answer Merry gave, a dark look crossing his face. This hobbit was not one to be trifled with.

"You can't just make royal decrees and banish someone for speaking against you! Especially not _Gandalf_ of all people!"

"I disagree."

"Okay, Merry, you've had your fun; give me the crown back please, I _am_ the real king after all."

"I don't know Aragorn, if you get drunk on duty are you really fit to be king?" the hobbit inquired.

Aragorn's face scrunched up with a disgusted look.

Legolas spoke, "He's got a point, Aragorn…" Aragorn glared at the elf and stormed out of the council room.

"Merry, what the hell are you doing?" came the voice of an aging Bilbo Baggins.

"Cousin Bilbo, hello! Umm, how are you?" Merry asked awkwardly.

"Frodo and Sam tell me that you are going mad with power after being given the crown of Gondor. Is this true?"

"Well, yes, but the previous king gave it to me."

"Does that make it right though? Does that give you the right to banish Gandalf? To give orders like some crazy king?"

Merry looked down at the floor, "No."

"No. And you should know better. I've told you stories all your life about an old friend of mine who became a king and then power and madness got into him and… and…" Bilbo got quiet.

"I'm sorry Cousin Bilbo, I'll give it back. I just wanted to feel powerful…" Bilbo patted the lad's shoulder and walked away.

"Bilbo told me I had to give you back the crown." He said while holding the item out to its proper owner.

"You are only giving it back because Master Baggins said so?"

"Yes, he said it was improper for a hobbit to be royalty. I disagree but I would never go against Cousin Bilbo."

At least it wasn't Pippin that he crowned king.


End file.
